Let’s Get Lyrical #24 – Donny Osmond

Happy Valentines.  Today I thought I’d share some lyrics from super sweet tween heartthrob Donny Osmond, on the subject of lurve.  You should definitely write these inside any cards you might be sending.

Won’t you go away little girl

… fair enough, you don’t want little kids hanging round cramping your style with tha laydeez, you are after all the king of cool.

Wish you wouldn’t stay little girl

Alright, no need to be mean about it!

Won’t you go away little girl
Wooo ooo go away.

Who is this little girl, anyway?  Is Donny Osmond proving himself as the shittest babysitter ever in a bid to convince someone he is in fact a rebel without a cause?

Go away little girl
Go away little girl
I’m not supposed to be alone with you

Hang on a sec – why not?

Oh yes I know that your lips are sweet


But our lips must never meet

I belong to somebody else and I must be true.

Ooooo-kay then.  Glad you cleared that up, cause for a second it sounded like… Well.  Nevermind.

Please go away little girl
Go away little girl

It’s hurting me more each minute that you delay

That‘s not appropriate subject material for a conversation with a small girl.

When you are near me like this
You’re much too hard to resist
So go away little girl before I beg you to stay.

Does his self awareness make this any less creepy?  I lean towards no.  Although this girl must be pretty dumb if she’s not gone yet.

Won’t you go away little girl

Apparently not, no.  Maybe you should turn it up a notch?  Really traumatise her by alluding to the disastrous consequences some more.

Wish you wouldn’t stay little girl

Aye aye.

Won’t you go away little girl
Wooo ooo go away.

This ineffectual attitude towards discipline showcases all that is wrong with this country today.  If she’s not leaving, don’t pussyfoot around – show her you mean business.  Call the police, perhaps, or maybe even her parents, and have her forcibly removed.  It sounds as though she’ll thank you for it later.

Go away little girl, go away little girl
It’s hurting me more each minute that you delay

Ew.

When you are near me like this
You’re much too hard to resist

It’s not the best defense, is it.  You’re essentially saying “she’s asking for it” merely by being in the same room as you.  Who would have thought that Donny ‘those can’t be his real teeth’ Osmond would stoop so low?  Well, nobody.  This is a cover of a song that came out in 1963, an altogether more innocent time than what we live in these days.

So go away little girl
Call it a day little girl
Please go away little girl before I beg you to stay.

Still don’t like it, though.  “I actually can’t see another woman without wanting to cheat on my girlfriend” is not an attractive quality in a partner, whatever way you slice it.

Happy cynical commercialization of the concept of love day, everyone!

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Filed under adolescence, letsgetlyrical, music, noise

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