Was there ever a more dreary song than Mull of Kintyre? There are times when I hate it so much it gives me energy. But then those feelings subside, and I’m left with a vague memory of nausea.
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuull of Kintyyyyyyyyyyyre,
It caterwauls, starting as it means to go on,
Oh, mist rolling in from the sea, my dee-saaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrre
is always to be here
Sweet shaving grandmothers (as I.M.Weasel used to say), I already wish I was almost anywhere else, and you’ve barely got started.
Oh, Mull of Kintyre
What is a mull, anyway?
Far have I travelled and much have I seen
When people still liked me cause I was in The Beatles writing pop music rather than dirge.
Darkest of mountains with valleys of green
Past painted deserts the sun sets on fire
As he carries me home to the Mull of Kintyre
Sorry, deserts? In the south west of Scotland?
[Chorus]
Sweep through the heather like deer in the glen
Way to encapsulate the essence of Scotland, Sir Paul. Deer doing housework.
Carry me back to the days I knew then
When?
Nights when we sang like a heavenly choir
of the life and the times of the Mull of Kintyre
Oh.
[Chorus]
Smiles in the sunshine and tears in the rain
Wow, this narrative is layered. In the sense that there is definitely one layer.
Still take me back where my memories remain
Like the Metallica song?
Flickering embers go higher and higher
Embers don’t go high, you futtock. You’re thinking of flames.
as they carry me back to the Mull of Kintyre
Embers pretty much don’t carry you anywhere either, on account of being HOT COALS. Unless this is a metaphor. Did he go to Kintyre on the Hogwarts Express, and take a nosy at the engine on the way? Nobody knows. OR CARES.
[Chorus x a million]
*kills self*
The Temp Files 
I dislike this song too. It is quite possibly one of the worst songs in the world ever, surpassed only by the “genius” that is Leon Redbone. x