Now, I love Bon Jovi just as much as the next over-inebriated person at a grotty rock club in the Cowgate of an evening. But you have to wonder how/why/whether they take themselves seriously. I mean, Wanted Dead or Alive is a bit wanky, isn’t it?
It’s all the same, only the names will change
Ever heard of context, Jon? I mean, whilst I appreciate it’s seen as good writing technique to jump straight into the story to pique the reader’s interest, in this scenario a little bit of context wouldn’t hurt.
Everyday it seems we’re wasting away
Sure, yeah, why not. The entire world has chronic wasting disease. Right on! You tell it like it is!
Another place where the faces are so cold
I’d drive all night just to get back home
Touring Alaska’s stadium circuit can take a heavy toll, I’ve heard.
[Chorus:]
I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
Good metaphor there, Jon. Did you think of that all by your onesie?
I’m wanted dead or alive
Mostly dead though, am I right?
Wanted dead or alive
Oh for goodness sake, no you aren’t. Pretending to be a cowboy isn’t cool, either. You might think you’re Clint Eastwood, but you are definitely Kevin Costner in that interminable version of Wyatt Earp. The one that makes most people want to chew off their own face rather than watch.
Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it’s not for days
Well maybe you need to get yourself into a better routine. Stop roaming around the countryside at random hoping a mean lookin’ cowboy will engage you in a stand off and I dunno, take up running. Eat some vegetables.
And the people I meet always go their separate ways
Wow. That’s profound. Or, alternatively, that’s LIFE.
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
Oh yeah, who doesn’t. Tuesday is Malibu day, Wednesday it’s maybe a bottle of port, Thursday detox with some cherryade…
And times when you’re alone all you do is think
Yeah right. Think about whether you have time to make another toastie before the next episode of Diagnosis Murder comes on TV.
[Chorus]
I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back
Ugh. Shut up.
I play for keeps, ’cause I might not make it back
Might not make it back from WHAT? A dangerous day of busking? The most dangerous occupation in the West, apparently.
I been everywhere, and I’m standing tall
Dirty stop out.
I’ve seen a million faces and I’ve rocked them all
Excuse me while I blow my own trumpet, won’t you.
I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I’m wanted dead or alive
Saying it in a slightly modulated key doesn’t make it any more true.
I’m a cowboy, I got the night on my side
Sure, yes, because of course everybody knows that cowboys are NOCTURNAL. Glad to see I’m not the only one who carries out the bulk of my research on wikipedia…
I’m wanted dead or alive
And I ride, dead or alive
That’s ridiculous. If you’re dead, you can’t ride a motorbike. Even the cast of Dirty Sanchez wouldn’t try that. Probably.
I still drive, dead or alive
Dead or alive [x4]
Alright, alright, have it your way. You’re a super cool, nocturnal cowboy who was apparently killed in a freak busking accident. Probably decapitated with your own six string. Now please, go away, and don’t come back til you’ve come up with another You Give Love A Bad Name.
The Temp Files 
