Today, Let’s Get Lyrical have been asking Twitter for its favourite Bob Dylan lyrics. Unfortunately this is eighties week around here, and the eighties were not the best decade for Monsieur Zimmerman. Take this sensitive ditty from 1988’s universally panned Down In The Groove album, The Ugliest Girl In The World.
Well the woman that I love she got a hook in her nose
An actual hook? That might not be a woman, Bob. You’re describing something more commonly associated with fish, there. Have you been fishing lately?
Her eyebrows meet, she wears second hand clothes
There’s nothing wrong with using charity shops, Bob. You may be a bazillionaire, but not all of us have written Blood On The Tracks or whatever.
She speaks with a stutter and she walks with a hop
I don’t know why I love her but I just can’t stop.
Literally NONE of the reasons you have listed are ones that mean you can’t love her. What you’ve said is she is poor, has a nose piercing, and may have additional support needs. That doesn’t mean she can’t be funny, intelligent, or fun to be around. Seriously dude, what’s with the Andy Gray routine?
You know I love her yeah I love her
I’m in love with the ugliest girl in the world.
Have you seen ALL the girls in the world, Bob Dylan? No you haven’t. So shut up.
If I ever lose her I will go insane
I go half crazy when she calls my name
That’s a fairly normal reaction to being in love with someone. Why should her physical appearance affect that? If you fancy someone then you fancy them. You probably haven’t noticed, Bob, but people in relationships are not always slim, well plucked and stylish. Yet somehow these munters manage to find love.
When she says ‘ ba-ba ba-ba baby I love you
Oh yeah, that’s classy, take the piss out of her stutter as well as her looks.
There ain’t nothing in the world that I wouldn’t do.
You know I love her yeah I love her
I’m in love in the ugliest girl in the world.
This doesn’t sound like love to me. Why are you questioning it this much? Why are you ripping her to pieces in a recording studio? Surely if you loved her you would want to protect her from arseholes that stigmatise people for being different.
The woman that I love she got two flat feet
Her knees knocks together walking down the street
That sounds like a total hassle for her, what a shame. Just as well she has such a supportive partner.
She cracks her knuckles and she snores in bed
She ain’t much to look at but like I said:
You know I love her Yeah I love her
I’m in love with the ugliest girl in the world
Not only is she unattractive and unwell, she has some annoying habits. Which I will now immortalise in song format. Cause that’s the kind of boyfriend I am.
I don’t mean to say she got nothing going
What? Surely that’s impossible! You’ve just described in detail what a moose she is and in my book, that’s all that counts.
She got a weird sense of humor that is all her own
She must do, if she’s still going out with you.
When I got low she sets me on my feet
And presumably you do the same for her? Maybe using your songwriting talent to tell the world how wonderful she is?
Got a five inch smile but her breath is sweet.
Really? That’s the best you can come up with? You love her because she brushes her teeth? Who the hell have you been going out with in the past?!
You know I love her Yeah I love her
I’m in love with the ugliest girl in the world.
Mm, yes, if you say so. Then he finishes by repeating verse one, to remind us how ugly and impoverished she is.
I don’t know if this is meant to be tongue in cheek, or zany and fun, or what. The internet doesn’t seem to have a lot of info on the matter either. But at least it provides us with a grim and terrible warning – even Bob Dylan gets it wrong sometimes.
The Temp Files 