Category Archives: satire

Let’s Get Lyrical #33 – Cancel The Astronauts

I like lyrics that make me laugh, and I’m sure you do too.

I Am The President Of Your Fan Club (And Last Night I Followed You Home) by Cancel The Astronauts is such a song. It starts out earnest and a bit sad, then dives into the realms of the tongue in cheek creepy without hesitation.

I wanted you
I hoped you wanted me too
I was strange enough
I shouldn’t ever need or deserve your love

Aww. Surely not the case?

I am the President of your fan club, and last night I followed you home.


Looked through your window, and don’t think I don’t know
That last night you weren’t alone.
Who was he?
Oh well I don’t know.
Will he be here tomorrow?
I don’t think so.

Nice. This may not be the most logical approach to winning the fair maiden, but at least it’s proactive.

I think my favourite part is:

I’m sitting here, sitting here, sitting here
In your room
Where have you gone tonight?

It’s funny because the weird stalker, who is presumably trespassing, is annoyed with the stalkee for not filling him in on her plans.  DO YOU SEE?

Other funny lyrics by Cancel The Astronauts include most of them.  You should get both EPs and download remaining tracks from

And watch their newest video as well:

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Filed under Edinburgh, gig, letsgetlyrical, satire, scotland

Let’s Get Lyrical #12 – Snap

90s dance music (the sort of thing you get on those rickety rides at travelling shows) is the only dance music worth listening to.  I dare you to put on Rhythm Is A Dancer without spinning round the room like a toddler with a packet of party rings.  Lyrically, though… well.  It’s not really that kind of track.

Rhythm is a dancer,

As in “ooh, ya dancer!”

It’s a soul’s companion

When everyone else goes to the pub without you, or has no money and wants to stay in, or dies or whatever, rhythm does not let you down.  That’s SCIENCE.

You can feel it everywhere

EVERYWHERE. Like in that song The Rhythm of Life.

Lift your hands and voices
Free your mind and join us
You can feel it in the air

This is presumably why it’s used in the shows…  It’s totally lyrically in-keeping with all the “scream if you wanna go faster” stuff.

Oo-oh, it’s a passion

True.  Nobody is in the music industry for money, after all. (Har. Bit of satire for you there.)

Oo-oh, you can feel it in the air!
Oo-oh, it’s a passion, Oo-oh, oo-oo-ooh…

Rhythm is a dancer,

Like Natalie Portman in Black Swan!

It’s a soul’s companion

That and chocolate…

You can feel it everywhere

Except Dundee. Trufax.

Lift your hands and voices
Free your mind and join us
You can feel it in the air

It hangs there like freezing fog or some other irritating weather feature.

Oo-oh, it’s a passion!
Oo-oh, you can feel it in the air
Oo-oh, it’s a passion, Ooh, oo-oo-ooh

Is it just me or have we been here before?

RHYTHM! You can feel it! You will feel it!
Rhythm is a dancer
Rhythm, Rhythm is a dancer

It’s OK, Snap, calm down! We all agree that rhythm is pretty important. You are preaching to the converted.  In quite an aggressive manner.

Rhythm is a dancer, it’s a soul’s companion, you can feel it everywhere…

This repeats until the end of time.  Yeah.  As discussed, lyrics aren’t really the point of this song.  But we had fun though, right?  Right.

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Filed under clubbing, Edinburgh, letsgetlyrical, music, noise, satire


Prospective employers!  Here are links to some things I’ve been writing in between witless song lyric dissections:

Oot! – Guide to what’s on in the local area in February for The Broughton Spurtle

An interview with Sardinian illustrator Aurora Cacciapuoti for The Edinburgh Reporter

A dubious attempt at satire on Michael McIntyre inadvertently making a child cry

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Filed under Community News, Edinburgh, edinburghreporter, letsgetlyrical, music, satire, scotland

A Link

I contributed to a new site, here, and chances are I’ll do it again.

The general premise is to spew hate about what’s going on in the world today, albeit in a humorous manner.  If that sounds like something you’d like to get involved with, you can, either by contributing or following on twitterfacebook.

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Filed under noise, satire