I know I’ve already mentioned JT, but I have an abiding affection for this particular fountain of nonsense, brought to us in 2001 by the innately imitable *NSync.
Sick and tired of hearing all these people talk about
What’s the deal with this pop life, and when is gonna fade out?
Really? You’re tired of people talking about you? Surely that’s an indication that your career is going well, as a member of a boy band?
The thing you got to realize, what we doing is not a trend
LOL. Where are you now, then? It’s been an awfully long hiatus.
We got the gift of melody, gonna bring it till the end!
I refer you to my previous point.
It doesn’t matter, ’bout the car I drive, what I wear around my neck
No, fair enough. Those things don’t matter. So why are you mentioning them?
All that matters is that you recognize
That it’s just about respect
Oh. My bad. Did these guys command respect, per se? I mean, they were a commanding presence in the lives of certain young girls for a while, but I think that was because of their sweet abs / totally cute hair rather than a matter of respect.
It doesn’t matter about the clothes I wear
And where I go and why
Why are you trying to downplay the importance of where you go, NSync? Is it somewhere naughty? Bet it is. Bet you’re off to TP the Backstreet Boys’ house.
All that matters is that you get hyped and we’ll do it to you every time.
‘Hyped,’ in this context, means excited rather than ‘we hope you get lots of media coverage’.
Do you ever wonder why this music gets you high?
Not really, no.
It takes you on a ride!
Feel it when your body starts to rock (Your body starts to rock)
Ah, repetition. One of music’s most powerful tools, used to beat you round the head until you submit to the idea. You know, I think my body has started to rock…
Baby you can’t stop (You can’t stop)
You’re totally right, I literally can’t stop rocking. You guys should play Download.
And the music’s all you got
Well, I’ve got my health too. And there’s a packet of peanuts in my bag. That’s pretty good.
Come on now this must be, POP.
Except they pronounce pop ‘pap’ and HILARITY ENSUES, because pap is a word we use in Scotland to mean boob. Har.
Dirty pap / Baby you can’t stap / I know you like this dirty pap / This must be (pap)
Frankly N’Sync, you know no such thing. And as a wise man once said, assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.
Now, why you wanna try to classify the type of thing we do
I dunno. Why are you so sure I’m into dirty paps?
‘Cause we’re just fine doin what we like
Can we say the same for you?
Yes you can. It’s just that what I like happens to be taking the mickey out of you on the internet for an audience of about three people, and what you like is being rich and famous and adored by tween girls. I think it’s clear who the winner is in this situation.
Tired of feelin’ all around me animosity
Just worry about yours ’cause ima get mine
Now people can’t you see?
The scales have fallen from my eyes! ‘NSync care about my apparent animosity! But that’s not right… this track is actually one of my guilty pleasures! Don’t take it to heart, guys, I was just kidding! I feel bad now.
Oh, I typed all over the bit where they repeat that stuff about cars and clothes. Damn.
Ooh – ooh – ooh – ooh….
Man, I’m tired of singing.
But… it’s your JOB! Maybe this is where the animosity comes from, guys? The fact you are fabulously rich and successful but can’t be bothered finishing a song?
JT beatboxes till I give up and go away.